What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 07:46
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
What is the reason behind some people wearing trunks instead of speedos when swimming in pools?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
What is your biggest mistake or regret?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
In your opinion, who is the most overrated singer/band/artist in modern music history and why?
Would this be the day?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
How do I become a Buddhist, and can someone explain Buddhism to me?
Why did i forgive my father ?
As i do to all so called friends.?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We all went to grammer schools
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What is the word for truth and its meaning in Koine Greek?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
What would you change in Rings of Power?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She found it foreign!.
I was very sick at this time too.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Can I study a master’s in travel and tourism in Sweden within a budget of 5 lakhs INR?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
What are some tips for braiding a woman's hair on a date?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was scared of men, in general
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I have a bad reputation and need help. What should I do?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So whats the point in blame.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She loved him until the end.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He knew the spot.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She was in good health!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I will be 64.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So, i spoilt her more .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
This is soul school!.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Ive learnt so much.
We were not on the streets..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
I waited trembling.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Was to survive, this bastard.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My family never makes their pension either.
One cannot live in the past .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I write beautiful poetry .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I never cut or harmed myself..
When she asked me how she looked .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im still living with it.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My life is so biszare .
I think the readers, may guess!
All the time i was locked up.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But it wasn’t much.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Who then, do I blame.?
What did i know ?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I could never make a relationship work though!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was seconnd youngest,
I said to her
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
It was going to be , some day.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I don,t even have a pension.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But, we were locked up after school.
I couldn’t, believe it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Comes on , in middle age.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was 9 years of age.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Put me off passion for life!!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I have no regrets .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She married twice! .
And i lived it daily.